A Word on Recovering from Loss

A Word on Recovering from Loss

Posted on 12. Oct, 2011 by in 1 Leadership

My grandmother (we called her Nana) died yesterday. It was unexpected. For us left behind it’s the worst way to go. I think for my Nana it was the best way.

Her passing felt like a rip in my life. Suddenly her spirit was not here. There in the space she lived was an empty hole . There’s no way to reconcile the loss other than adapt to the empty space. Life will go on. Life must go on.

The sense of loss had me thinking about how employees may be feeling with the sense of loss from laid-off co-workers, ending of important projects, programs, loss in pay, different work spaces.

From the losses I see exhaustion and anger in employees’ faces and eyes.

As a manager how are you addressing the sense of loss?  As a senior executive how are you making time for employees to “grieve” the losses of laid-off co-workers, ending of important, meaningful projects?

We all deal with loss differently. In these uncertain times, this is no time to project onto others your way of dealing with grief, assuming it’s to “just keep moving” and ignore the impacts such difficult decisions have.

Our brains will attempt to reconcile loss. If it’s not supported, the unresolved senses of loss can lead to dysfunction or destruction.

In my family, my cousins and I are supporting our parents as they deal with the many details. We are also talking with our parents, letting them know we are here for them. We’ll help with the packing of the house and moving my grandfather to California.

I think the approach is the same for businesses. Turn to your “work families” to talk through what employees are experiencing. This is no time to disregard “feeling- discussions” in the workplace. It’s a time to help each other. It’s a time to adapt and move forward.

Helping each other can bring people closer together. It also helps reconcile the loss. And in business this translates into focus, productivity, quality, improved morale, for starters.

People bruise, get angry, feel sad, feel lost when there is loss. Given that people make a business successful, we’d all do well to respond to organizational loss remembering this. Both people and business growth benefit.

Image courtesy of Kevin Dooley

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10 Responses to “A Word on Recovering from Loss”

  1. Bruce Sallan (@BruceSallan)

    12. Oct, 2011

    Key words, “We all deal with loss differently” and manager MUST be cognizant of that to be good managers. Maybe it doesn’t seem like much to you – whatever the loss may be – but try, JUST TRY, to empathize. You may wish the same care someday for yourself!

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  2. Britt Michaelian

    12. Oct, 2011

    What a great post. So sorry to hear of the loss of your Nana, but you turned the story into an incredibly powerful message. We all deal with loss differently and in varying degrees, so we must be sensitive to how those around us will respond. We must support each other with empathy and in the long run, everyone will benefit.

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  3. Valerie Iravani

    13. Oct, 2011

    Shawn,

    My deepest sympathies to you and your family. Losing someone deeply embedded in the family unit is a grief that echos through the years.

    I’m grieving the loss of my job, and the loss of being able to support my direct reports. They are an excellent group, who flourished under my management. i was the only true “people focused manager” in the department. We are all worried about what will happen to them now.

    Filling the holes takes time, acceptance, expressions of all the emotions we cycle through. Fear no – just weather the storm one breath at a time.

    I’m glad your family has many members to support each other with memories and common history. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

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  4. Stan Faryna

    13. Oct, 2011

    Leading and managing in difficult times is not easy. It requires greater emotional intelligence and empathy than in the good times. Closing companies, for example, requires a certain sensitivity and graciousness that usually go far beyond the resources of the ordinary manager and business leader. Been there. Done that.

    One measure of successfully managing such grim maneuvers is that people will still talk to you and are willing to connect years later.

    Recently on my blog: Why This Blog Post Sucks! http://wp.me/sbg0R-1738

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    • Shawn Murphy

      16. Oct, 2011

      Stan,
      Closing companies indeed demands sensitivity and graciousness. The hammer approach usually causes longer damage than the initial sting of pain. Same can be said for mergers. I’ve seen my fair share of agenda-pushers sabotaging the company’s success levels AND their people’s, too.

      Shawn

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  5. Gwyn Teatro

    13. Oct, 2011

    Shawn ~ I’m very sorry for your loss. I’m particularly sad for your grandfather whose world, no doubt, is looking pretty foreign about now.
    Your point about loss in organizations is a vital one. Change often creates loss before it fulfills the promise of gain and each person in the organization will, as you say suffer it differently. When we suffer personal loss, making room to express feelings, share stories and memories is all part of the healing process. In organizations it is no different and those who read this post would do well to heed the advice it offers.
    Thank you

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    • Shawn Murphy

      16. Oct, 2011

      Gwyn,
      Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
      For businesses, what strikes me is how mechanical our view has been towards relationships. We attempt to cut out emotion or dealing with organizational loss as though people wouldn’t mourn. Yet in our personal lives most of us seek to move beyond our grief by talking about it, celebrating life, and so on.

      Shawn

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  6. Karen Smith-Will

    22. Oct, 2011

    Shawn,
    For years I’ve taken solace in these words of Dietrich Bonhoeffer. If you haven’t read his works or read about his life, consider adding it to your to do list.

    “Nothing can make up for the absence of someone whom we love, and it would be wrong to try to find a substitute; we must simply hold out and see it through. That sounds very hard at first, but at the same time it is a great consolation, for the gap, as long as it remains unfilled, preserves the bonds between us. It is nonsense to say that God fills the gap; he doesn’t fill it, but on the contrary, he keeps it empty and so helps us to keep alive our former communion with each other, even at the cost of pain.”

    Prayers,
    Karen

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