Letting Go of Control

Letting Go of Control

Posted on 10. Feb, 2011 by in 1 Leadership

When you’re paying attention to what’s going on in life, truths can be revealed.  The kind of truth that is visible when you pause long enough.  It’s a quiet space – the pause.  They’re easy to miss.  But when you experience them….In that pause the reality of the truth snatches your attention and it’s loud in your head demanding you to stop, again the pause.

Revealed to me in the pause is a truth so many of us face – the need to control.  The need to vigilantly direct and supervise the story of our life.  To cause a carefully constructed story that, in the end, we can proudly say, “Look what I created.”  But I was paying attention.  And in that moment I learned that my need to control was editing out the heart of my life.  You know, the squishy part of a story that defies a carefully orchestrated plan.  I learned in my moment that my need to control puts me in an observer role.  Unknowingly I’ve placed myself outside the carefully constructed story. Unknowingly I let my need to control create an illusion that eclipsed my ability to truly acknowledge the contribution that so many others want and are making in my story…my life.

There’s a richer story to be told, to be realized, to be experienced when letting go of control.  That truth stopped me. Letting go of control opens up possibilities that cannot be realized with a white-knuckled grip on the story (my life).

I was in my coaching session with my coach, Steve Laswell, a truly gifted man, when I paused long enough to see this truth.  Steve used the word “harmony” after I shared with him my insight.

Yes. Harmony. It’s the coupling of people and ideas to create something, to cause an outcome together.  It’s unwieldy.  It’s messy. It puts me in my life as an observer and a participant.  I’m of and in the story, not controlling and constricting what happens, seeing what’s possible.  It’s relaxing so to see what can happen, what’s possible.  It’s seeing what’s missed.

Am I a cured control freak? No. But I have a newly broadened perspective that cannot be forgotten.

And I cannot overlook the implications to my leadership.  It’s an unfolding new dimension to how I lead. I also cannot stop from wondering what is possible for businesses with leaders who are willing to let go control and a white-knuckled grip on how things ought to be.

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9 Responses to “Letting Go of Control”

  1. Tweets that mention Letting Go of Control -- Topsy.com

    10. Feb, 2011

    [...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Mike Henry Sr., TNM Coaching, Martin Haworth PCC, Ewa Nartowska, Jack King and others. Jack King said: Letting Go of Control http://bit.ly/eswiGn #LeadChange (RT @mikehenrysr: RT @shawmu:) [...]

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  2. William Powell

    10. Feb, 2011

    Shawn, you and I are cut from the same cloth my friend. A very timely post for me. Thanks so much for being honest and open about this!

    Cheers,
    William

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    • Shawn Murphy

      11. Feb, 2011

      William, let’s be sure to remind each other to re-read this post when the white-knuckled grip of control is controlling our better judgment.

      Shawn

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  3. Georgie McNeese (ArtByG)

    12. Feb, 2011

    My religion calls it “Letting go and letting God.”

    Reply to this comment

    • Shawn Murphy

      13. Feb, 2011

      Hi Georgie,
      There is indeed a deeply spiritual influence in my work, including my relationship with God.

      Shawn

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  4. Georgie McNeese (ArtByG)

    15. Feb, 2011

    That’s great, Shawn. I wasn’t trying to preach, though. The thought just crossed my mind as I was reading.

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    • Shawn Murphy

      15. Feb, 2011

      Yup. I didn’t read it that way. Words on a screen can be difficult to understand intent, eh?

      Thanks for coming back to our blog, Georgie.

      Shawn

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  5. Robert Tanner

    28. Feb, 2011

    Shawn,

    Great thoughts in your post! I have known many leaders and managers who became ineffective because of their excessive need for control. Effective leadership is about balance and when we learn to “let go of control” as you mentioned, we open ourselves up to new possibilities. It is interesting to me that as I have gotten older I have learned how little control we really have in life and in business. We can and should prepare but there are always those unexpected twists that we can never anticipate. This argues for us to learn agility so we can “go with the flow” and leverage the opportunities coming our way and at times “make lemonade out of lemons.”

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    • Shawn Murphy

      28. Feb, 2011

      Hi Robert,
      The experts who study competencies advocate that a top competency is Managing Ambiguity. In our world where change is constant and rapid, managing ourselves and our response to change will help us learn agility. Of course the old saying, “That which we resist, persists,” applies here, too. Accepting a situation as it is allows for us to understand the circumstances and respond more appropriately.

      So glad you commented, Robert.

      Be well,
      Shawn

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