Achieved Strategies

One of the quickest ways to sabotage change:  a Karpman’s Triangle.  What the heck is a Karpman’s Triangle?  This blog has a great definition of Karpman’s and its counter solution:  the Quinby Triangle.

In short summary, it’s a “gossip/drama” triangle.  It includes the following roles, which I have articulated in their relationship to change.

Persecutor:  a person who takes action to implement change, thus causing others to believe they are a victim being forced to change against their will.

Victim: a person who claims distress because “change” is pushing on their zone of safety/comfort.

Rescuer: a person who is often compelled to “save” a victim by standing up to the persecutor.

Why does this entire triangle get created?  Because if we can blame the change on a persecutor, we can distract from the need for change to actually happen.

So, how does a Karpman’s triangle become a healthier Quinby triangle?

1. The “supposed” persecutor must persevere within limits.  This means to stand against the volley of arrows that comes back from the opposition, but also to bend and flex as needed in order to show flexibility in helping others adapt to the change.
2. The “supposed” victim must learn to be vulnerable.  A good change agent helps those who feel “pushed” into change become aware of and accept their vulnerability.  While it’s uncomfortable to be asked to step outside one’s comfort zone, learning that vulnerability is natural and manageable can make a huge difference.
3. The “supposed” rescuer needs to reach out. Often this means, supporting the “supposed” victim in talking directly with the “supposed” persecutor.  The key to transforming any Karpman’s triangle is for direct conversations to occur between the right people.

Karpman’s triangles can sabotage any change quickly.  Take some time to identify these triangles around you – there are typically many going on, so it shouldn’t be too hard to find one.  Then, transform those Karpman’s into Quinby’s.