When Leaders Say Sorry

When Leaders Say Sorry

Posted on 20. Sep, 2011 by in 1 Leadership, Change In Action, People & Change

We all have breakdowns in our interactions with others. In those interactions where you are the “perpetrator,” how you recover will strengthen or weaken the relationship. And in business, relationships are essential to doing good work. It’s vital for leaders to contribute to meaningful, trusting relationships.

First, let’s be clear on a few terms.

Breakdown is when there is a momentary collapse in your integrity. You behave in a manner that’s not you and is inappropriate.

Perpetrator means you are the instigator of the breakdown.

Recovering from the Breakdown
The most effective way to recover from a breakdown you perpetrated is to say sorry to those involved.

  • The apology must be face-to-face. It cannot be done through email. To be frank, that’s meaningless and gutless.
  • Take ownership of the breakdown. In other words, clean up your mess.
  • Do not make excuses or explain rationales for your behavior.
  • Get straight to the apology. “I owe several apologies. My behavior was over the top…”
  • Keep it short. Don’t ramble.
  • Leave room for others to respond. If they don’t that’s okay. More time may need to pass.
  • It may be necessary to talk about next steps. It depends on the severity of the breakdown, however.

A leader who can say, “I’m sorry” sets a standard of interaction that deepens relationships. It also lets others know that it’s okay to be human. Sure we all have “stuff” going on in our lives, and sometimes we take out our stress on others. A sincere apology lets others know the importance of team and camaraderie. It’s an act of humility.

The leader who can say, “I’m sorry” signals to the team that community trumps individuality

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10 Responses to “When Leaders Say Sorry”

  1. Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach

    20. Sep, 2011

    Shawn.
    You pack a whole lot into this very well written post. The essence of a great apology and leading by example.

    Truly wonderful post for all leaders — old and new.

    Best wishes,
    Kate

    Reply to this comment

    • Shawn Murphy

      20. Sep, 2011

      Hi Kate,
      An apology can bring closure to a leadership breakdown much more quickly than resisting for political or prideful reasons.

      Your perspective is always appreciated.
      Shawn

      Reply to this comment

  2. Bruce Sallan

    20. Sep, 2011

    Would you please send this to my wife! She has a VERY hard time saying, “I’m sorry.”

    I call taking responsibility “owning” it…when a leader/boss admits fallibility, it instills loyalty. Same in personal relationships and SAME as a dad or mom! Telling your kids you’re sorry is soooooo important, too!

    Reply to this comment

  3. azmomofmanyhats

    20. Sep, 2011

    I believe that an honest, genuine and sincere I’m Sorry can actually strengthen trust (depending on the violation…) it shows humanness, breaks down power distance, and brings everyone to a common place – the place that we are all human and we all make mistakes. Nice post. Thank you for sharing.

    Reply to this comment

    • Shawn Murphy

      20. Sep, 2011

      Angie fellow triberr tribe-mate!
      Nicely said! It’s okay to be human at work, right?! Of course saying sorry applies to any relationship we nurture.

      So glad you came by to read and comment,
      Shawn

      Reply to this comment

  4. Denise

    20. Sep, 2011

    Excellent post and content! As Bruce says I’d good for business & personal life too. Taking ownership, personal accountability for your actions & sincere “I’m Sorry” is important in all relationship. Thank You!

    Reply to this comment

    • Shawn Murphy

      20. Sep, 2011

      Denise,
      Agreed. Sorry’s are needed in any interaction with people involved – personally or professionally.

      Thank you for coming by to read and comment.
      Shawn

      Reply to this comment

  5. Heather Coleman-Voss (@HeatherEColeman)

    21. Sep, 2011

    Absolutely excellent post, Shawn! Those in leadership positions must realize that respect is earned through this very type of behavior – and lack of respect is the result when a leader refuses to take ownership.

    This post is also applicable to marriage and other interpersonal relationships.

    @HeatherEColeman

    Reply to this comment

    • Shawn Murphy

      23. Sep, 2011

      Hi Heather,
      Saying sorry is crucial to any relationship – professional or personal – as you point out. We owe it to one another.

      Shawn

      Reply to this comment

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