Achieved Strategies

Let’s continue the message this week around connecting and communicating.  I want to dig deeper and explore the nasty barrier that prevents connection and communication – the sinister need to make people wrong.

I’m familiar with the nasty need to make another person wrong.  For me there are red flags when I’ve ventured into this dangerous territory, and I share them below. But first let me share why I believe making someone wrong is ugly.

1.    The moment I make another person wrong, I’ve torn them away from the conversation.  A barrier now exists and the quality of the interaction is compromised.

2.    The ability to get to an outcome that leaves everyone satisfied is highly unlikely.  Making someone wrong wastes everyone’s time.

Unfortunately I have many red flags signaling when I’ve tread into a collaboration-killer zone.  Because I have much to say on this topic, I’ll introduce them over a small series of posts.  Any one or more of these has dashed the possibility of truly connecting with others.  And communication….well, it’s lost too.

• Should Language. The moment I start “shoulding” all over the place, I’ve damaged the connection.  “You shouldn’t be so sensitive.” “You should be more commanding in meetings.” “You’re the leader, you should know what to do.” Though the point I’m attempting to make may be rooted in truth, the delivery sucks. When “should” is involved in your language, the implication is that the person is wrong, and defenses are up. What does it matter that you may be right?  Aren’t we here to help each other be successful? Making someone wrong diminishes success and exacerbates problems.

Treatment: I’ve learned to ask questions.  “How do you think the meeting went?”  The question lets the person articulate his perspective.  Most people are harder on themselves and will know where mistakes were made before recognizing the good parts.  Let them be hard on themselves.  Then follow up with, “I noticed those, too, but I also saw you do some damn good work in there.” Follow it up with some positive observations.

Businesses – big and small – have gone through some tough times. Let’s help each other out by not getting “juiced” by the opportunity to point out another person’s flaws by making them wrong.  We’re all licking our wounds. Lend a hand by dropping the Should Language.

What would you add to this conversation about making someone wrong?

Photo by JannaMarieisaTragedy